Pregnancy fears of future parents - Canpol's Mums advise - Canpol

Advice from Canpol's experienced mothers.

Pregnancy fears of future parents

Emotions during pregnancy do not always mean a joyful waiting for a baby. Sometimes, you may experience fear or discouragement. I will give you some tips how to handle them.
Responsibility for a new life may be a burden - as childbirth always means something new, unknown, and therefore arousing difficult emotions. A sense of lost freedom or longing for a previous, carefree life may appear. To overcome negative emotions, it is worthwhile to take a closer look at them.

How will we manage?

An argument about hundreds of thousands of parents around the world who managed excellently in a similar situation does not always work. It is, therefore, worthwhile to analyse your fears to learn what we are really afraid of. Maybe being parents different to those shown in magazines and on TV? Or simply, that we will not be able to combine childcare with a professional career? You should not push aside even trifle doubts, because when they grow, they may ruin your joy of having a baby.

Remember! It is worthwhile to find a solution to your worries still before the childbirth. Maybe you should already discuss employing a domestic assistant or a childminder and talk with your partner about a model of parenting preferred by both of you? By talking with my husband I was able to dispel many of my unnecessary fears.

Will my life change for ever?

According to psychologists, a fear of change experienced during pregnancy is absolutely normal. But before you panic, remember that life means constant changes. And that is very good - otherwise you would be stuck in the same place! Therefore, even though you realise that the birth of a baby may turn your life upside down, focus on advantages of the new situation.

Remember! Giving birth to a child is one of the most important events in your life. Arrival of the baby often adds a completely new meaning to it. It is also important, however, for new parents to carry on with other plans, e.g., professional or personal. Only then they will maintain self-esteem and a sense of fulfilment. You can combine them with child care. Although it is difficult at the beginning, believe me, it is possible.

Will I be able to bond with my baby?

A fear that you will not be able to love your baby often prevents you from enjoying waiting for the arrival of your child. For that reason it is worth to handle that issue before your baby is born. A cliché that love is born on a moment you see your baby (or even earlier) often makes women and men feel guilty: "I am a bad mother/father, because I do not experience any feeling of elation related to my baby". Whereas, according to psychologists, parental love may develop slowly, even for a few months since the baby's birth.

Remember! Physical contact is essential in developing a bond with your baby. Even during the pregnancy, both of you can visualise your baby, talk to it, caress the belly, and just after the birth try to spend as much time as possible with your baby: holding, carrying or cuddling it in your arms.

The same as our parents?

Pregnancy and birth of a baby emphasise our relationships with our parents. Often we are afraid we will make the same mistakes, or that we will not be able to avoid their lot. Fortunately, nine months is a period sufficiently long to exorcise the demons from your past. To this aim, it is worth considering the model of upbringing and the changes you will have to face after the baby's arrival already before the birth. Thanks to that a sense of confidence which new parents often lack, will develop a little earlier and critical opinions (even the most favourably-disposed grannie sometimes have different opinions about upbringing of her grandchild) will not be able to shatter it. It is the parents who bring the child up, and not grandparents, although their advice and assistance may in some cases be invaluable. Remember! The ideal parents do not exist, same as ideal children. It is important to realise that fact now, still before the birth. Maybe thanks to that you will not only be a more confident parent, but also a more understanding daughter or son.

Ania

Mum of 2,5 year old Maksymilian, 8 years of professional experience

Marta Piątkowska

Midwife
- consulting

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